Committed or Just Dating?

A couple of years ago, I picked up a small book at the local Christian bookstore. It wasn’t just the title that caught my eye, but rather the short story that began the first chapter. The story went like this…

Jack and Grace met through a mutual friend. From day one they seemed to be the perfect match. Grace was everything Jack had always wanted. She was beautiful, outgoing, and caring – always there when Jack needed her. For the first five months they were inseparable. Jack could hardy think of anything but Grace. He didn’t need to look further, he told friends. “She’s the one.” Now almost three years have passed. Jack still enjoys the comfort and familiarity of being with Grace, but the spark is gone. Grace’s flaws seem more obvious. He’s not sure he finds her as attractive as he once did. And he’s beginning to resent all the time she wants to spend with him. One night, when she asks if they can define the nature of their relationship, Jack blows up. “We’re together, aren’t we?” he asks angrily. “Why isn’t that enough for you?” Obviously, Jack isn’t ready for commitment. And it’s unclear if he ever will be... Have you ever been in a relationship like this? …I believe God has something better for you. He wants you in a relationship defined by both passion and commitment. But before you can take hold of this wonderful plan, you need to know something about this couple. There are millions of Jacks walking around today. And Grace isn’t a girl.

Grace is a church.

From Stop Dating the Church, Joshua Harris

Right in the middle of that Christian bookstore I was flooded with thoughts and questions. Did I just read that write? Grace is a church. I took the book straight to the counter and bought it. And it was that little opening story that continues to work on my mind even today.

You and I come from a generation of consumers, autonomous individuals, and critics. We attend church, but rarely stop long enough to invest ourselves in the life of the people (the church) around us. These days, we have to admit that commitment isn’t very popular – we prefer dating the church, or even worse having a weekly “one night stand” (a.k.a. attending the Sunday service).”

So how do you know if you are “church dater”? Here are some helpful questions to start you thinking.

• Is your attitude toward church me centered (I like…I prefer…I think)?
• Do you go to church to fulfill a requirement or find yourself just running through the motions?
• Are you critical and quick to find fault in the church?
• Do you have wandering eyes – always on the hunt for a better church?

When we begin to understand who we are and hopefully the committed relationship we have with the church, we may just find a sense of fulfillment, a community of support and ultimately a place to engage the world for Christ.

This article by Bob Henry appeared in the current church newsletter of
Concordia Lutheran Church, Fort Wayne.